Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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