oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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