You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
