I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
