i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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