He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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