Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
