Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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