I wannas sexs uuuuu
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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