i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
