Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
