Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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