In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
