His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
