; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Randomize
