u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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