I bet he comes in French.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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