Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
