During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
