She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We're too hungover to prance.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
