Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
