Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
