a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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