why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
