so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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