He is an equal opportunity slut.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
