You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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