dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
