How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
