the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
