i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
