So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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