im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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