Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
