Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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