Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
