I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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