so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
