honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
