If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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