i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
