How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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