i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
