i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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