I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
