he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
