I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need a beard to bite.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
