I want to stick my p in your. b.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
