so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
