zippers are such a cool invention
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
