my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
