Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
