Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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