Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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